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TALK, AND LOTS OF TODDLERS: A Report On CFI'S First New York City Community Forum (Oct. 1999).

By Wendy Ponte

“This is not a problem,” said Meredith F. Small, the noted author and anthropologist, as she skillfully stepped around another small toddler who was headed straight for entanglement in her slide projector cable. “Believe me, I far prefer this audience to the group of 120 I have to lecture this afternoon at New York University.” Small, the mother of a toddler herself and author of the highly acclaimed book, Our Babies, Ourselves, was the key speaker November 5th at CFI's first community forum on the east coast. The site was Tada's theater for children in New York City's busy Chelsea district, home to wholesale flower shops,antique stores and lots of small theater companies.

The morning event was kicked off by CFI'S founder, Michele Mason, who began by welcoming the audience of parents, grandparents and business representatives and introducing City Councilperson Kenneth Fisher. Fisher represents a large portion of Brooklyn, including Park Slope, Brooklyn Heights and sections of Williamsburg. Accompanying him was his wife, Kirsten.

“This is of particular interest to Kirsten,” he told the audience. “That's because she comes originally from Sweden, where they specialize in being child friendly.” He reminded the audience about an item that hit the news in the Big Apple last year when a Swedish couple, visiting tourists, were imprisoned after leaving their son parked in his stroller outside the restaurant they were dining in. In Sweden this is an accepted practice and is a sign of how the culture embraces and cares for all children. Because Fisher and his wife know the Swedish culture so well they were able to intervene and help this couple sort through their problems with U.S. authorities and return home safely with their son.

“I would like to invite CFI to be the subject of a City Council hearing this spring,” said Fisher, as he finished his speech. Fisher, well known for his work on behalf of environmental issues, is an active proponent of children's causes. He began the New York City Childhood Asthma Initiative and, last year, restored 8 million dollars in budget cuts for youth programs. He has also been actively involved in trying to change the negative ways in which our youth are often portrayed by the media.

Fisher's speech was followed by a short talk from Janine Trevens, the Artistic Director of Tada!, who kindly donated the use of their space to CFI for this event. “Tada! and CFI share a common goal which is to teach children they are respected,” she said. Each year Tada! exposes thousands of kids, from all over the New York City area and from all income brackets, to the experience of performance and the social skills and hard work that go along with it.

Ms. Small began her talk by speaking about biology. She pointed out that children are actually born much earlier than is biologically ideal. The reason for this has to do with the sizes of their heads. The expanse of the human brain, which grew steadily larger as our species evolved, resulted in the necessity of an earlier birth. “I simply never knew that,” said Martha Usdin, a retired art teacher and Brooklyn resident, who attended the forum. “It makes me see children's dependence in a new way.” Small went on to explain this is why some cultures, such as the Kung San of Botswana, literally wear their children for the first years of their lives. To put a child into a stroller or make them sleep alone at night is absolutely unheard of. Children are carried in slings, with unrestricted access to their mother's breasts, at all times, even while their mothers forage for food or work the fields.Parenting practices which we, in the Western world, have accepted as “natural” may not always be what is biologically best for babies.

An example of this is seen in the controversy surrounding the family bed. Small talked at length about the research done by scientists such as James McKenna which indicates infants sleep and breathe better in the company of their parents at night and that it promotes bonding. Throughout the world the United States stands out as one of the few places where some form of co-sleeping is not the norm.

Small's lecture reminded all of us that negative attitudes towards children and families have deep cultural roots. As we work to change our physical surroundings and create family-friendly spaces in stores and restaurants we also need to be ready to challenge assumptions that are made, perhaps even by ourselves, about what children really need.

Throughout all of these talks the toddlers and small children who had accompanied their parents to this event freely roamed the stage area and seating risers of this black box-style theater. The sounds of small voices punctuated the words of the adults who spoke on the behalf of them and all children.